The Waiting Game

What I am learning, is the bigger the surgery the more hoops one must jump through.

A few weeks ago I drove to Miami to get my blood work for panel two testing using the Orthopedic Analysis test kit.  Insurance didn’t pay for it, so I paid nearly $600 out of pocket for this test.  The nurse took four vials of blood, put it in the box, gave me the box, and I went to Fedex and shipped it to the company. 

              This is the box it that contains the needle, vials, and shipping information.  Once the blood
                 is drawn the nurse seals it in another container within this box and hands it to you to bring
                 to FedEx to ship :)  

I began patiently waiting for the results, which I knew were going to tell the doctors I do not have allergies to metals.  I already had the patch testing and have never had any problems in the past.  Approximately one week later, the nurse called and told me that I tested positive for being allergic to ALL the metals in the kit.  That means I am allergic to aluminum, cobalt, chromium, iron, molybdenum, nickel, vanadium, zirconium, titanium alloy particles, cobalt alloy particles, bone cement particles, and bone cement liquid.  The stunned company personally called my surgeon’s office to discuss the results.  No one has ever seen results like this, and no one can explain how it happened.  They decided to send another test to my surgeon free of charge and I have to take it again.  Meanwhile, I can’t set a surgery date without the results.  Ugh.  This is frustrating.

I felt like having a temper tantrum!  lol

Last Tuesday I went and had the test re-done.  I am now anxiously waiting for the results and praying everything turns out okay. 

I also had to go for my CTA of my face/neck and brain.  A CTA is a cat scan with iodine.  I have never had this kind of procedure before and had many questions.  My good friend Kristy had one done on her shoulder and she literally said, “The needle they used was this big (imagine large hand gesture) and it left a hole in my shoulder.”  Of course, I imagined a huge needle stabbing me in the face.

"The needle was this big"

I didn't take a picture of Kristy making the hand gesture, but it was the same one this really cute baby monkey was making!

Other people told me I would taste something funny and to breath through my mouth.  I really had not idea of what to expect.  Last Saturday, I drove down to Miami and had the procedure.  Though I needed to be there at 7:30 and they told me I wouldn’t be done until noon, everything went rather smoothly.  I waited longer to fill out paperwork and then again afterwards, than the actual CTA took.  It didn’t hurt, it made me slightly warm for a few seconds, and I did not taste anything funny.

The actual CT Scan machine

The IV they put in my arm.  At this point they have only flushed it with saline, when I went back for the scan, they hooked the end of it to the Iodine Machine (I'm sure it has a technical name, but I just don't know it)

Now it is just a waiting game.  I need the results from my allergy test so that I can schedule the surgery. 

Un-emotional

My best feature use to be my smile, and I smiled all the time.  Over time that has changed because the surgeries have changed not only my smile, but also the shape of my face. 

Presently I smile as much as I can.  Of course, there are times that I can’t.  Smiling is physically painful for me.  If I go out with friends and smile a lot I regret it the next day.  I wake up and my entire face aches and throbs. 

In addition, I work at a local high school and attempt to smile while I teach; however, I can’t.  This is not to say that I never smile, but I can’t always smile when I want to.  Sometimes my face hurts too much and I am physically incapable of smiling.  I sometimes wonder if my students think that I am constantly unemotional or in a serious mood?  I try to use sarcasm and humor to make up for my lack of smiling, but it is not the same.

On the contrary, I absolutely, positively cannot cry.  According to many on the Internet, it takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 muscles to frown.  While, I do not know if this is accurate, I do know that it kills me to cry.  Once I start crying, I typically can’t stop because the pain from crying is so great.  Now some feel that crying is not a necessary emotion, and they believe people can show sadness/frustration in a variety of ways.  I am not a big crier; however, I would like to cry when it is appropriate.  For instance, the other day I received bad news about someone I knew.  Instead of crying, I took several deep breaths every time I started to get upset, which is not the same. 

I am hoping that after I am healed I will be able to smile without worrying about how much it will hurt later.  I want to take the simple act of smiling for granted once again.  I use to love smiling. 

All in all, I just want to be healed.  I want to be able to appropriately show emotions.  I don’t think that is asking for too much.