Picture (not so) Perfect

Late February,  I received the phone call I had been praying for from my OMS office.  TMJ concepts gave them an exact delivery date, and I was officially scheduled for surgery on May 8^th & 9^th.  I was relieved, excited, and terrified. 

Before I knew that my surgery was postponed, I scheduled professional photos on March 4th.  Since I have muscular spasms and tightness, I am frequently unhappy with pictures.  

The Friday prior to the date, I couldn’t get my youtube to work, so I had to read to my students.  A day of nonstop reading and talking caused my jaw to ache. 

That night several girlfriends came over to celebrate the birth of my friend’s baby.  We ate, we drank, and we laughed.  It was a fantastic night with a great group of girls.  

Unfortunately, the combination of talking too much, laughing, and eating must have been too much.  Not giving my jaw a break exasperated my symptoms, and I awoke at 3am in horrendous pain.  It hurt to breath, it hurt to walk, and my entire face felt like it was on fire.  I took an Excedrin and laid back down; however, I didn’t fall asleep for many hours.  I wasn’t even sure if I would make the photo shoot.  Once I fell asleep, I woke up numerous times.  Finally, I stayed up. 

I was tired and my left eye was dropping and twitching.  My head hurt and my hair was sensitive.  The left side of my head was in extreme pain.  It hurt to turn my head to that side and my vision was a bit off because of the twitching.    

Eventually, I sucked it up and met my two girlfriends (Danielle and Heather)  at our normal meeting spot.  Luckily, my friend, Danielle, drove to Miami.  I was still pretty miserable as my face hadn’t let up enough for me to get comfortable.

Once in the studio, we took turns getting our hair and make-up done. I learned that no amount of make-up can erase pain from my face.  I took pictures in four different outfits and in different settings.  

The photographer took approximately 300 pictures in total.  From that 300, I needed to narrow it down to six.  It was easy. Here is a montage of what I looked like in my most of my pics:
                    
                                                                                         I made strange faces:

                                                              In some pics I had a triple chin (how?  I'm extremely thin!)

Sometimes I thought I was smiling normally, yet I wasn't

And in several pictures it looked as though someone was performing an exorcism on me

Needless to say, my pictures were less than stellar.  In fact, even my mom said that I looked angry/unhappy in all the pics (which is ironic because I was having a wonderful day besides the pain).  My friend’s pictures, on the other hand, were fabulous, beautiful, and amazing. 

We all managed to pick six.  Then we walked to Wynwood, which is my favorite place in Miami.  Danielle took beautiful group pictures of us there.  Once I arrived home, I took a double dose of muscle relaxers and went to bed.

So why was taking pictures important to me before surgery?  I will use them as a reminder of what my face looked like previous to the stitches, the swelling, and  any strange side effects (like paralysis, etc). 

                                                                                    Look at my face-ugh.  I look miserable

                                                                          This is one of the better pics and I still don't like it

                                                                                 This is a cute pic of Heather and myself

I have decided to keep a photo journal of my post op for anyone who is interested and for those who are suffering with TMJ and having to decide whether or not to get TJR.  Though it goes against every inch of my vain existence,  I will look at it as part of the healing process.

Life's Little Inspirations

I thought that once I started this process (again), it would be much quicker but I was wrong.

Approximately January 18^th, I called the surgeon and spoke with the head nurse.  Much to my surprise I had a tentative surgery date of April 3^rd and 4^th.  The company was about to start making my FDA approved titanium implants, and they would know more the next week.

On February 2^nd I called and again spoke to the head nurse.  She read a letter from TMJ concepts stating that my implants will be finished and arriving on or before May 5^th….umm…that’s a month after my surgery date.  She told me that she is doing everything she can to get an exact date, and she wants the surgery to be in April.  If not, they are booked in May.  That means I would have to wait until June. 

This was troublesome for several reasons:

1)  I was tired of the uncertainty

2)  I had to create two sets of sub plans (1 for my juniors and 1 for my seniors)

3)  It's difficult to tell your boss that you may or may not be having surgery during the school year.

                      This is a prime example of my one eye drooping, and this is on a good day.

Honestly, I was disappointed and having a bit of a pity party.  That’s when something very interesting happened.  One of my students was telling me about his most recent trip to the hospital, and I began asking him questions.  I know he has had many surgeries (major heart surgery, metal chest plate, rods in his spine, etc.), and I was just curious about his daily comfort level.  He told me that he is in more pain than most people, but it could be worse.  He can’t play the sports that he loves, but he has found a talent with theater and enjoys that.  He then went on to explain that he is lucky to be alive and walking.  The pain he has is a lot better since his last surgery and that he is just happy to be enjoying life. 

I couldn’t believe it.  Without knowing it, he had single handedly given me the best advice just by being optimistic.  Sometimes inspiration comes in the least likely places.  I would never have guessed that a student would be the one to pull me out of the funk that I was in. 

In case anyone is wondering, I am pretty good at compartmentalizing so students will never know when I am upset about something like this.  In fact, the majority of my students have no idea that I’m in pain or that anything is wrong with me. 

                                    I love spending time with rescue dogs!  They help me as much as I help them :)

Gato, my furbaby, always there to cuddle and make me feel better! Love him.

2017-My Year of Change

2017-My Year of Change

I am still waiting for a surgery date, and I’m fine with that.  Since I was unable to have the TJR over winter break, I would love to wait until the end of this school year. 

Of course, living with the uncertainty of time has posed some challenges.  It’s difficult to make plans.  In fact, I’ve had to tell numerous friends that I can’t make set plans in advanced because of this.  I was planning on going on my dream vacation this summer, but had to postpone it once I realized my surgery date was pushed back.  I wasn’t happy, but someone gave me the idea to go on a smaller vacation over winter break, so I asked my friend Vanessa what she was doing and if she wanted to travel, and we booked a flight to Havana, Cuba.  We spent 5 days, 4 nights in Cuba. 

TMJ wise, I thought I had flying under control.  I purchased the air pressure regulator earplugs.  Much to my disappointment, they didn’t work for me.  The air pressure when taking off and landing creates a lot of tension on my face.  My ears itch and it feels like someone is stabbing pins into them.  It’s painful.  Every time this happens, I question whether or not I will ever fly again.  Of course, I do but it’s excruciating pain.  There are times I am near tears, which if you know me, you know I don’t cry often.

My mom also spoke to my cousin, who is one of the top astrologists in the US.  She did a basic reading of my chart, but was kind enough to call a friend who is a medical astrologist to look at my chart and see what she can learn in regards to the surgery.  Now I recognize that many people do not believe in astrology, but I do.  Before my mom got a response we discussed the fact that it could be bad news (ugh).  Fortunately she said that the surgery would be fine but I am supposed to wait until on or after my birthday (April 6) and not do have it performed on April 23, 24, 25.  Additionally, if I find out the dates the doctor has available I can ask her which day is best. 

As of now, I am just patiently waiting and I am fine with that.

Getting the process started...again

Getting the Process Started Again?

After close to a three-month wait, the peer review with the insurance company was done and I received approval for the CT scan.

 The front of the outpatient section of the Hospital

They decorated the hospital for Christmas! 

The scan was scheduled for 6:30am (11/23), so I needed to leave my house by 5:30am.  At that hour, I didn’t need to worry about Miami traffic.  Once I arrived at the hospital, I easily found a parking space and walked to the out patient registration desk.  I must admit that the people who work in this hospital are amazing, patient, funny, and kind.  I was taken to the CT room approximately 10 minutes after I completed the registration process.  The CT and splicing the images took close to 45 minutes. 

You know it's early when you're the only car in the parking garage!

The CT machine 

I then walked over to the main building to go to the OMS office for impressions.  I arrived at 8:45 (the office doesn’t open until nine) and the impressions were taken at 9:15.  I then paid, gave the head nurse my disc, and asked a few questions. 

These are not actually my impressions, but it will look similar.

From my understanding, this is when my journey actually begins.  The OMS office sends my disc into TMJ Concepts and they begin creating the replica of my skull and the actual implants.  They will also give the office a target date of when this process will be complete.  That’s when I will have a surgery date.  Crazy. 

I’m a blend of terrified and excited, stressed and relieved. 

I’m sitting here on Thanksgiving (11/24/16) knowing how blessed I am that I have been given this opportunity.  It’s an opportunity for a better quality of life and a return to normalcy.   I’m still in awe over the fact that the FDA chose me to receive the titanium implants.  I have much to be thankful for:

I am thankful for my family who has been with me every step of this long, exhausting process.  They have emotionally supported me when I am being pessimistic and when I am in pain.  Though they know my dietary needs, they do not scold me when I cheat (which is rare).  They will always be there for me and I know it.  Having a strong support system has been vital in this process.

I am thankful for my friends and coworkers, who have also been by my side through this process.  They are use to me poking at food and asking them questions about the “softness.”  They try to understand my limits.  They know that I am in pain even if it does not show and they are always there for me. 

I am thankful for my church family, who has been praying for me for quite some time now.  It’s wonderful to see the power of prayer at work.  They ask me about what is going on, text me to show support, and let me know if they have read anything that might be useful to my situation. 

I am thankful for Gato, my furbaby.  He is always by my side and sleeps next to me at night.  If I am having a rough day, he cuddles with me to make me feel better.  He is loving, happy, and content.  To me, he is more than a cat…he is my baby J

I am thankful for my career.  I absolutely love working with teenagers.  They are moody, funny, sarcastic, caring, and kind.  Just the other day, a senior I had last year came to visit me and she asked about my jaw.  She knew about it because she tried to give me candy that I couldn’t eat once.  When I gave her the good news, she literally was jumping up and down and hugging me.  She is exited that I will feel better and be able to eat normal food again.

I’m thankful for the surgeons, doctors, and nurses that are there to help me.  Without them, none of this would be possible.  I know that I have the best OMS in the country and am fully confident in the surgeon, his doctors, his nurses, and his staff. 

The doctor is well worth the wait!

I’m also thankful that I get an opportunity to volunteer with 100+ abandoned dogs of the Everglades.  This organization and the people who are in it are spectacular.  The work they do with abandoned, sick animals is outstanding. 

I am also thankful for finding TMJ Hope on Facebook.  The support group enabled me to find others who are on the same journey as I am.  Through this group, I have read informative blogs, found useful information, and most importantly, found others just like me.   I now email with a few people who have had the Total Joint Replacement surgery, and they help me understand the process and what to expect.  I know that less than 1% of the population will need TJR, so meeting others has been reassuring.

I am also thankful for traveling.  I have seen amazing places around the world and hope to continue to even more places. 

I could go on and on about all that I am thankful for.  Though this has been a long, arduous journey, I am praying that it will have a positive ending.  n