Keeping calm...is it possible?

I am weeks away from surgery.  Being well organized and prepared is imperative to my mental health and recovery.

Obviously, I am praying for total and complete healing.  A life without pain, being able to eat whatever I want, and a decent opening is my goal.  Eventually I want to run a 5K, travel the world without having to worry about my face, teach without pain, and eat whatever I want! 

I’m faced with the problem of trying to remain calm, while facing the scariest obstacle of my entire life.  Coming up with a plan to maintain my mind, body, and soul was necessary to keep my sanity.  Here’s what I am doing:

  1)  I am journaling almost everyday.  I write what I am grateful for, my goals, and what I want.  I also keep a daily prayer list (for myself and others).  This keeps me focused and actually relieves some of my anxiety.

  2) I walk every day.  This allows me time to relax and think about my day.  Sometimes I talk to friends, family, or neighbors.  Sometimes I am alone in my thoughts.

  3) I meditate.  In fact, I am looking for suggestions on who to listen to to help me with this. I am looking for a motivational speaker and has positive mantras. 

  4)I spend time with friends and family.  I surround myself in love J

  5)Not only do I spend time with my friends and family, but I also volunteer with an animal rescue group.  Not only have I met a whole knew group of friends, but I also have the pleasure of helping animals.

  6)I spend time with my furbaby-Gato.

  7)I took of a week before my surgery because I will have many doctor’s appointments in Miami.  This also gives me time to clean, prepare frozen smoothie meals, and relax.

  8)I cheat on my soft/liquid diet.  It hurts, but it is necessary. I am trying to gain 10 pounds/

9)I read uplifting literature.

10)I attempt to appreciate as much of life as I can.  I want my friends, family, colleagues, students, etc to know that value, admire, and respect them :)

                                                  

I am blessed because I have such a fantastic support group.  My doctors have NEVER doubted me, my family is fully supportive, my friends and acquaintances are encouraging, and my job is understanding.  I am lucky!

Picture (not so) Perfect

Late February,  I received the phone call I had been praying for from my OMS office.  TMJ concepts gave them an exact delivery date, and I was officially scheduled for surgery on May 8^th & 9^th.  I was relieved, excited, and terrified. 

Before I knew that my surgery was postponed, I scheduled professional photos on March 4th.  Since I have muscular spasms and tightness, I am frequently unhappy with pictures.  

The Friday prior to the date, I couldn’t get my youtube to work, so I had to read to my students.  A day of nonstop reading and talking caused my jaw to ache. 

That night several girlfriends came over to celebrate the birth of my friend’s baby.  We ate, we drank, and we laughed.  It was a fantastic night with a great group of girls.  

Unfortunately, the combination of talking too much, laughing, and eating must have been too much.  Not giving my jaw a break exasperated my symptoms, and I awoke at 3am in horrendous pain.  It hurt to breath, it hurt to walk, and my entire face felt like it was on fire.  I took an Excedrin and laid back down; however, I didn’t fall asleep for many hours.  I wasn’t even sure if I would make the photo shoot.  Once I fell asleep, I woke up numerous times.  Finally, I stayed up. 

I was tired and my left eye was dropping and twitching.  My head hurt and my hair was sensitive.  The left side of my head was in extreme pain.  It hurt to turn my head to that side and my vision was a bit off because of the twitching.    

Eventually, I sucked it up and met my two girlfriends (Danielle and Heather)  at our normal meeting spot.  Luckily, my friend, Danielle, drove to Miami.  I was still pretty miserable as my face hadn’t let up enough for me to get comfortable.

Once in the studio, we took turns getting our hair and make-up done. I learned that no amount of make-up can erase pain from my face.  I took pictures in four different outfits and in different settings.  

The photographer took approximately 300 pictures in total.  From that 300, I needed to narrow it down to six.  It was easy. Here is a montage of what I looked like in my most of my pics:
                    
                                                                                         I made strange faces:

                                                              In some pics I had a triple chin (how?  I'm extremely thin!)

Sometimes I thought I was smiling normally, yet I wasn't

And in several pictures it looked as though someone was performing an exorcism on me

Needless to say, my pictures were less than stellar.  In fact, even my mom said that I looked angry/unhappy in all the pics (which is ironic because I was having a wonderful day besides the pain).  My friend’s pictures, on the other hand, were fabulous, beautiful, and amazing. 

We all managed to pick six.  Then we walked to Wynwood, which is my favorite place in Miami.  Danielle took beautiful group pictures of us there.  Once I arrived home, I took a double dose of muscle relaxers and went to bed.

So why was taking pictures important to me before surgery?  I will use them as a reminder of what my face looked like previous to the stitches, the swelling, and  any strange side effects (like paralysis, etc). 

                                                                                    Look at my face-ugh.  I look miserable

                                                                          This is one of the better pics and I still don't like it

                                                                                 This is a cute pic of Heather and myself

I have decided to keep a photo journal of my post op for anyone who is interested and for those who are suffering with TMJ and having to decide whether or not to get TJR.  Though it goes against every inch of my vain existence,  I will look at it as part of the healing process.

Life's Little Inspirations

I thought that once I started this process (again), it would be much quicker but I was wrong.

Approximately January 18^th, I called the surgeon and spoke with the head nurse.  Much to my surprise I had a tentative surgery date of April 3^rd and 4^th.  The company was about to start making my FDA approved titanium implants, and they would know more the next week.

On February 2^nd I called and again spoke to the head nurse.  She read a letter from TMJ concepts stating that my implants will be finished and arriving on or before May 5^th….umm…that’s a month after my surgery date.  She told me that she is doing everything she can to get an exact date, and she wants the surgery to be in April.  If not, they are booked in May.  That means I would have to wait until June. 

This was troublesome for several reasons:

1)  I was tired of the uncertainty

2)  I had to create two sets of sub plans (1 for my juniors and 1 for my seniors)

3)  It's difficult to tell your boss that you may or may not be having surgery during the school year.

                      This is a prime example of my one eye drooping, and this is on a good day.

Honestly, I was disappointed and having a bit of a pity party.  That’s when something very interesting happened.  One of my students was telling me about his most recent trip to the hospital, and I began asking him questions.  I know he has had many surgeries (major heart surgery, metal chest plate, rods in his spine, etc.), and I was just curious about his daily comfort level.  He told me that he is in more pain than most people, but it could be worse.  He can’t play the sports that he loves, but he has found a talent with theater and enjoys that.  He then went on to explain that he is lucky to be alive and walking.  The pain he has is a lot better since his last surgery and that he is just happy to be enjoying life. 

I couldn’t believe it.  Without knowing it, he had single handedly given me the best advice just by being optimistic.  Sometimes inspiration comes in the least likely places.  I would never have guessed that a student would be the one to pull me out of the funk that I was in. 

In case anyone is wondering, I am pretty good at compartmentalizing so students will never know when I am upset about something like this.  In fact, the majority of my students have no idea that I’m in pain or that anything is wrong with me. 

                                    I love spending time with rescue dogs!  They help me as much as I help them :)

Gato, my furbaby, always there to cuddle and make me feel better! Love him.

2017-My Year of Change

2017-My Year of Change

I am still waiting for a surgery date, and I’m fine with that.  Since I was unable to have the TJR over winter break, I would love to wait until the end of this school year. 

Of course, living with the uncertainty of time has posed some challenges.  It’s difficult to make plans.  In fact, I’ve had to tell numerous friends that I can’t make set plans in advanced because of this.  I was planning on going on my dream vacation this summer, but had to postpone it once I realized my surgery date was pushed back.  I wasn’t happy, but someone gave me the idea to go on a smaller vacation over winter break, so I asked my friend Vanessa what she was doing and if she wanted to travel, and we booked a flight to Havana, Cuba.  We spent 5 days, 4 nights in Cuba. 

TMJ wise, I thought I had flying under control.  I purchased the air pressure regulator earplugs.  Much to my disappointment, they didn’t work for me.  The air pressure when taking off and landing creates a lot of tension on my face.  My ears itch and it feels like someone is stabbing pins into them.  It’s painful.  Every time this happens, I question whether or not I will ever fly again.  Of course, I do but it’s excruciating pain.  There are times I am near tears, which if you know me, you know I don’t cry often.

My mom also spoke to my cousin, who is one of the top astrologists in the US.  She did a basic reading of my chart, but was kind enough to call a friend who is a medical astrologist to look at my chart and see what she can learn in regards to the surgery.  Now I recognize that many people do not believe in astrology, but I do.  Before my mom got a response we discussed the fact that it could be bad news (ugh).  Fortunately she said that the surgery would be fine but I am supposed to wait until on or after my birthday (April 6) and not do have it performed on April 23, 24, 25.  Additionally, if I find out the dates the doctor has available I can ask her which day is best. 

As of now, I am just patiently waiting and I am fine with that.