April Showers Bring May flowers

My intention was to take a week off, but after another sleepless night I thought of adding a blog page about hope (because really, there is always hope).  Even though this might be repetitive, it is imperative to ALWAYS be grateful for the love and prayers from family and friends.  

April 6th I celebrated by birthday at work.  Kristy, a work friend, has taken on the task of birthday celebrations.  Everyone was to email her what they like and/or what their hobbies were.  Mine included the color pink, animals, and chocolate.  The basket she created for me was so thoughtful, extremely fabulous, and I couldn't believe the amount of time and care she put into everything in it.  It included chocolate, a pink money belt (I use this for my volunteer work at the rescue), candles, a book, and, of course, the prized possession...the pink dry erase board for after surgery.  I was going to purchase one, but hadn't got around to it.  I was touched and very thankful for her gift basket!

Last year I started taking mixed media art lessons, but because of location and scheduling conflicts I haven't been able to attend recent classes.  Yesterday was my first time back in over a year and it was extremely relaxing.  I enjoy creating pieces and knowing that every mistake can be covered and turned in something beautiful :)  Now doesn't that sound like a life lesson? lol

Afterwards I met my travel companion, Vanessa, for drinks and dinner.  Much to my surprise, she made me an after surgery kit!  It includes books she thinks I will like, lavender lotion, a lavender candle, sleep eye covers, chocolate, and tissues.  I was extremely shocked and probably did not express my gratitude enough, as this was truly an amazing, thoughtful, and kind gift.  In fact, I'm actually dropping it off at my parents today, so it's there when I am discharged from the hospital.

                                                                                   Vanessa's gift basket!!!!

                                                                          Gifts for after surgery :)

My church family is inspiring.  They kept praying for me even when I had given up.  I was told it would be at least 5 years before the FDA would approve me for the titanium implants I needed.  I decided that this was God's will and maybe it was for the best that I didn't have the surgery.  Of course, everything changed about 6 months later.  There is no other explanation than divine intervention.  Even as I was sitting through the Easter service today, Pastor Bob spoke about worrying (something that I am struggling with now). He explained that if we pray and give our worry to God, we don't need to worry.  Of course, this is easier said than done, but then he read my favorite passage: "I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).  After the service I was touched even further when speaking with several people and they let me know that if I need anything at all after my surgery to please let them know, and they meant it.  

My rescue family-100+ Abandoned Dogs of The Everglades-they have welcomed both my mom and I into this organization with open arms.  We enjoy our time with not only the people in this group, but also our furry friends!

My work family is also amazing.  Administration and the English department have been very understanding about my upcoming absence.  I enjoy teaching, and am grateful to get what I love to do every day.  I will be telling my students about my absence shortly.

My parents have been the best.  Today we are celebrating Easter by eating a dinner of steak, potato salad, and deviled eggs.  I am cheating on my soft food diet!  It may hurt, but it is worth it.  Three weeks until my new jaw!

                                                                        Gato's 13th birthday celebration

April has been stressful and I'm at the point in this journey that is filled with doctor's appointments.  I just gotta keep remembering to stay strong, that I have a wonderful support system, and hopefully May will bring be better.  

Keeping calm...is it possible?

I am weeks away from surgery.  Being well organized and prepared is imperative to my mental health and recovery.

Obviously, I am praying for total and complete healing.  A life without pain, being able to eat whatever I want, and a decent opening is my goal.  Eventually I want to run a 5K, travel the world without having to worry about my face, teach without pain, and eat whatever I want! 

I’m faced with the problem of trying to remain calm, while facing the scariest obstacle of my entire life.  Coming up with a plan to maintain my mind, body, and soul was necessary to keep my sanity.  Here’s what I am doing:

  1)  I am journaling almost everyday.  I write what I am grateful for, my goals, and what I want.  I also keep a daily prayer list (for myself and others).  This keeps me focused and actually relieves some of my anxiety.

  2) I walk every day.  This allows me time to relax and think about my day.  Sometimes I talk to friends, family, or neighbors.  Sometimes I am alone in my thoughts.

  3) I meditate.  In fact, I am looking for suggestions on who to listen to to help me with this. I am looking for a motivational speaker and has positive mantras. 

  4)I spend time with friends and family.  I surround myself in love J

  5)Not only do I spend time with my friends and family, but I also volunteer with an animal rescue group.  Not only have I met a whole knew group of friends, but I also have the pleasure of helping animals.

  6)I spend time with my furbaby-Gato.

  7)I took of a week before my surgery because I will have many doctor’s appointments in Miami.  This also gives me time to clean, prepare frozen smoothie meals, and relax.

  8)I cheat on my soft/liquid diet.  It hurts, but it is necessary. I am trying to gain 10 pounds/

9)I read uplifting literature.

10)I attempt to appreciate as much of life as I can.  I want my friends, family, colleagues, students, etc to know that value, admire, and respect them :)

                                                  

I am blessed because I have such a fantastic support group.  My doctors have NEVER doubted me, my family is fully supportive, my friends and acquaintances are encouraging, and my job is understanding.  I am lucky!

Picture (not so) Perfect

Late February,  I received the phone call I had been praying for from my OMS office.  TMJ concepts gave them an exact delivery date, and I was officially scheduled for surgery on May 8^th & 9^th.  I was relieved, excited, and terrified. 

Before I knew that my surgery was postponed, I scheduled professional photos on March 4th.  Since I have muscular spasms and tightness, I am frequently unhappy with pictures.  

The Friday prior to the date, I couldn’t get my youtube to work, so I had to read to my students.  A day of nonstop reading and talking caused my jaw to ache. 

That night several girlfriends came over to celebrate the birth of my friend’s baby.  We ate, we drank, and we laughed.  It was a fantastic night with a great group of girls.  

Unfortunately, the combination of talking too much, laughing, and eating must have been too much.  Not giving my jaw a break exasperated my symptoms, and I awoke at 3am in horrendous pain.  It hurt to breath, it hurt to walk, and my entire face felt like it was on fire.  I took an Excedrin and laid back down; however, I didn’t fall asleep for many hours.  I wasn’t even sure if I would make the photo shoot.  Once I fell asleep, I woke up numerous times.  Finally, I stayed up. 

I was tired and my left eye was dropping and twitching.  My head hurt and my hair was sensitive.  The left side of my head was in extreme pain.  It hurt to turn my head to that side and my vision was a bit off because of the twitching.    

Eventually, I sucked it up and met my two girlfriends (Danielle and Heather)  at our normal meeting spot.  Luckily, my friend, Danielle, drove to Miami.  I was still pretty miserable as my face hadn’t let up enough for me to get comfortable.

Once in the studio, we took turns getting our hair and make-up done. I learned that no amount of make-up can erase pain from my face.  I took pictures in four different outfits and in different settings.  

The photographer took approximately 300 pictures in total.  From that 300, I needed to narrow it down to six.  It was easy. Here is a montage of what I looked like in my most of my pics:
                    
                                                                                         I made strange faces:

                                                              In some pics I had a triple chin (how?  I'm extremely thin!)

Sometimes I thought I was smiling normally, yet I wasn't

And in several pictures it looked as though someone was performing an exorcism on me

Needless to say, my pictures were less than stellar.  In fact, even my mom said that I looked angry/unhappy in all the pics (which is ironic because I was having a wonderful day besides the pain).  My friend’s pictures, on the other hand, were fabulous, beautiful, and amazing. 

We all managed to pick six.  Then we walked to Wynwood, which is my favorite place in Miami.  Danielle took beautiful group pictures of us there.  Once I arrived home, I took a double dose of muscle relaxers and went to bed.

So why was taking pictures important to me before surgery?  I will use them as a reminder of what my face looked like previous to the stitches, the swelling, and  any strange side effects (like paralysis, etc). 

                                                                                    Look at my face-ugh.  I look miserable

                                                                          This is one of the better pics and I still don't like it

                                                                                 This is a cute pic of Heather and myself

I have decided to keep a photo journal of my post op for anyone who is interested and for those who are suffering with TMJ and having to decide whether or not to get TJR.  Though it goes against every inch of my vain existence,  I will look at it as part of the healing process.

Life's Little Inspirations

I thought that once I started this process (again), it would be much quicker but I was wrong.

Approximately January 18^th, I called the surgeon and spoke with the head nurse.  Much to my surprise I had a tentative surgery date of April 3^rd and 4^th.  The company was about to start making my FDA approved titanium implants, and they would know more the next week.

On February 2^nd I called and again spoke to the head nurse.  She read a letter from TMJ concepts stating that my implants will be finished and arriving on or before May 5^th….umm…that’s a month after my surgery date.  She told me that she is doing everything she can to get an exact date, and she wants the surgery to be in April.  If not, they are booked in May.  That means I would have to wait until June. 

This was troublesome for several reasons:

1)  I was tired of the uncertainty

2)  I had to create two sets of sub plans (1 for my juniors and 1 for my seniors)

3)  It's difficult to tell your boss that you may or may not be having surgery during the school year.

                      This is a prime example of my one eye drooping, and this is on a good day.

Honestly, I was disappointed and having a bit of a pity party.  That’s when something very interesting happened.  One of my students was telling me about his most recent trip to the hospital, and I began asking him questions.  I know he has had many surgeries (major heart surgery, metal chest plate, rods in his spine, etc.), and I was just curious about his daily comfort level.  He told me that he is in more pain than most people, but it could be worse.  He can’t play the sports that he loves, but he has found a talent with theater and enjoys that.  He then went on to explain that he is lucky to be alive and walking.  The pain he has is a lot better since his last surgery and that he is just happy to be enjoying life. 

I couldn’t believe it.  Without knowing it, he had single handedly given me the best advice just by being optimistic.  Sometimes inspiration comes in the least likely places.  I would never have guessed that a student would be the one to pull me out of the funk that I was in. 

In case anyone is wondering, I am pretty good at compartmentalizing so students will never know when I am upset about something like this.  In fact, the majority of my students have no idea that I’m in pain or that anything is wrong with me. 

                                    I love spending time with rescue dogs!  They help me as much as I help them :)

Gato, my furbaby, always there to cuddle and make me feel better! Love him.